Sometimes

I miss Preston so much that I think about killing myself. Having been on the receiving side of that news, obviously I haven't gone through with it. But, OH, how I miss him. I am like and addict with no fix. But unlike and addict, after withdrawal the craving goes away. Not for me. I am not that lucky. Sometimes I get in the car and don't put my seat belt on and hope that God takes me. hope that I can be with Preston. If i wasn't completely out of my ethics I probably would have taken up smoking or drinking - I heard that stuff gives short life spans. I also hear that some hospital are doing assisted suicide, I would consider it, if it wouldn't rack up a huge  expense for my parent's. When you get married in a Temple of The Lord, you are promised you will be with each other in eternity. I AM SO ANGRY because this! Right now is apart of eternity! and YOU AREN'T HERE! WHY?
But wait, I forgot to tell you he best part! I have NO ONE! Everyone I ever cared about is married or on a mission! I am literally friendless, alone. Yes, I know I have Christ with me always. But, he isn't much into the movies that are out now. And it makes me feel even lonelier going to a hang out place by myself. I hate the way people react when I tell them. It's like all of the sudden you have Ebola and worse they don't know what to say. Even better, when someone asks unknowingly and they are to young and/or immature at least be sympathetic.