I never wanted anyone but you. I miss you. I have gone on several dates now since you have been gone, they have been amazing, thus far. But I miss you, when I said "I do" I really meant it, I meant that I would always love you. That you were irreplaceable. You are still irreplaceable, I still love you. I don't want to love you anymore! But I can't help it. I want everything back, I don't want anyone else. PLEASE! I love you. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health. I promised, you promised. Please? I want to kiss your lips, just one last time. If I could give you one last kiss, I could get through eternity.
I haven't told you much about the dates I have been on, mostly because I don't know how you think or feel about them. I still haven't kissed anyone since you. I think that is why I have been ok with going on dates. Because everyone knows my situation, and respects my space. They have been so patient, so kind, and just a friend. Which is exactly what I need. Because when I lost you I lost my best friend.
I just want to let you know, I love you. I will always love you, you will never be replaced, you were my happy, I miss you, I want you back.
With all of my heart, forever, to infinity, eternally yours
Carolyn Thornton Grant
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Monday, February 9, 2015
Happy Birthday
Today is your birthday.
I only got to celebrate one birthday with you. And I can't even remember what I got you for a present.... I miss you. Today, everyone has talked about you like you were some kind of saint, 'he loved everyone, and judged no one." IF you were all these things that people say you were, you would have NEVER killed yourself. Because real love is doing something for someone else even if you really don't want to. If you had really loved so deeply, you would still be here, for me. I despise you. You have taken away the only thing that makes me human, you took away my ability to choose. I tried to celebrate your birthday, I did it for me. Not for you. Because I couldn't just ignore today...I don't very many pictures like the rest of your family and friends. I don't have years of memories to verify your true love for me. I don't have you, I don't have anything.
Why didn't you love me enough to just stay? Any kind of presences would have been better than this misery. You never loved me. I am sure of it.I am alone. Thanks to you.
I hope you see now, how many people loved you, because now you know you were wrong to decide to leave. And it's no one's fault but your own.
First Date
Our first date went surprisingly well. The date night activity just happened to be bowling, which we later found out we both hate bowling!
We spent the whole night talking. We bowled, both I believe bellow 75 pts. After we finished bowling we went back to the institute and had donuts. Preston and I played a game of ping pong which we were also very terrible at. We then stayed around and talked. We had so much in common that when one would say something, the other would say me too, genuinely. We were truly kindred spirits. That date we discovered all the things we had in common with each other, we had so many same opinions, same life experiences. Every day after that, up until the day he took his life, continued to grow together in our similarities and to discover our many differences.
We spent the whole night talking. We bowled, both I believe bellow 75 pts. After we finished bowling we went back to the institute and had donuts. Preston and I played a game of ping pong which we were also very terrible at. We then stayed around and talked. We had so much in common that when one would say something, the other would say me too, genuinely. We were truly kindred spirits. That date we discovered all the things we had in common with each other, we had so many same opinions, same life experiences. Every day after that, up until the day he took his life, continued to grow together in our similarities and to discover our many differences.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Do you remember how you asked me out for our first date!?
Over Christmas Break of my Freshman year of college my boyfriend and I broke up-yes the boyfriend I mentioned in the previous post. I did a lot of grieving, and then one day something clicked. I realized that I didn't need that boyfriend to still have the life I wished to have. I created a bucket list. Hence, this other blog (shameless tid-bit). Some people started asking me out on dates, but I really wanted to go out with Preston. But he wasn't taking any of the hints. Well, every month the college congregations would pay for all of the singles to go on a date. They would rent out a whole bowling alley, or country club, etc. I decided I really wanted to go to date night with Preston. I called up my Bishop's wife and side " I would really like to go on a date with Preston, and you get him to ask me out on date night?" She said she would.
His side of the story, He gets a call from our Bishop's wife "She says do you have a date for date night?" Preston responses with an abrupt no. (He had decided the week before that he wasn't going to marry anyone from Price, thus was going to stop dating all together.) Our Bishop's wife told him that I wanted him to ask me to date night. He was completely shocked, And as I had predicted he wasn't aware that I was single. So he called me up and asked if I would like go with him. But when I got the phone call I was in my dorm, with my roommates and a couple people cross the hall. We were all hanging out in the common room. I got the call and I immediately, got up and left the room. One of the guys followed me and was tickling and teasing me, wanting to know who was calling. According to Preston, he was really annoyed, because he was trying to ask me out on a date while I was "flirting" with another boy. I, of course. said yes.
His side of the story, He gets a call from our Bishop's wife "She says do you have a date for date night?" Preston responses with an abrupt no. (He had decided the week before that he wasn't going to marry anyone from Price, thus was going to stop dating all together.) Our Bishop's wife told him that I wanted him to ask me to date night. He was completely shocked, And as I had predicted he wasn't aware that I was single. So he called me up and asked if I would like go with him. But when I got the phone call I was in my dorm, with my roommates and a couple people cross the hall. We were all hanging out in the common room. I got the call and I immediately, got up and left the room. One of the guys followed me and was tickling and teasing me, wanting to know who was calling. According to Preston, he was really annoyed, because he was trying to ask me out on a date while I was "flirting" with another boy. I, of course. said yes.
Love at First Sight
I beg of you, come back. The other half of me is gone. I NEVER want to remarry again. No one will be as good as you are for me. You are the most amazing person i have ever met. Which is at its most value coming from me, because i know all your weaknesses. Heck, out of everyone you hurt me the most. But I still love you. I love you. I love you with my whole hear! My heart belongs to you.
Remember when we first saw each other. You were about to teach the first Sunday school class of the semester. You use to say that you picked me out of the crowd, that you thought I was cute, but then you heard I had a boyfriend. I remember thinking during that lesson, "wow , this boy is so much like my boyfriend." I believe that was the spirit. Because you are nothing like him, At that point, I was convinced I was going to marry the boy I was dating. I think something was telling me that I was suppose to marry you.
And even though you tear my heart apart everyday. I know that I was suppose to marry you.
Remember when we first saw each other. You were about to teach the first Sunday school class of the semester. You use to say that you picked me out of the crowd, that you thought I was cute, but then you heard I had a boyfriend. I remember thinking during that lesson, "wow , this boy is so much like my boyfriend." I believe that was the spirit. Because you are nothing like him, At that point, I was convinced I was going to marry the boy I was dating. I think something was telling me that I was suppose to marry you.
And even though you tear my heart apart everyday. I know that I was suppose to marry you.
I love you
Pooh Bear,
I realized today that I may never be able to tell OUR story ever again. People don't ask, I guess they are afraid. We will never be able to be on one of those dating panels where teenagers ask how we made it work. I have decided that for the next couple of posts won't be in letter format. I will, for people looking for love, tell them how we found it.
Despite you being gone I feel we have, and always will have the best love story, and that our love will continue to grow. Grow into something more magical, more whole, more perfect than possible on this fallen earth. We can break the chains of this broken world. Because the part of us, which is you, is in a Heaven . People say there is no such thing as a fairy-tale ending. I disagree, dispite that fact that you, my Prince Charming, isn't on this earth any more I love him more than I ever thought I could. Here is to us!
I realized today that I may never be able to tell OUR story ever again. People don't ask, I guess they are afraid. We will never be able to be on one of those dating panels where teenagers ask how we made it work. I have decided that for the next couple of posts won't be in letter format. I will, for people looking for love, tell them how we found it.
Despite you being gone I feel we have, and always will have the best love story, and that our love will continue to grow. Grow into something more magical, more whole, more perfect than possible on this fallen earth. We can break the chains of this broken world. Because the part of us, which is you, is in a Heaven . People say there is no such thing as a fairy-tale ending. I disagree, dispite that fact that you, my Prince Charming, isn't on this earth any more I love him more than I ever thought I could. Here is to us!
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